Venomous spiders of south Florida (Miami)

When I say “venomous spiders”, where do you think of? Africa? Ausralia? The backwoods of West Virginia? All these answers are correct; well not entirely correct. A little known fact: Miami, Florida (USA) is home to the most poisonous spider. This spider, an extremely rare spider, is called the taupe recluse. Don’t laugh! It’s actuall related to the brown recluse but a SINGLE bit contains over 70 times the venom of a similar bit of a brown recluse.

The taupe recluse gets its name from–take a wild guess–the color of its belly. Actually, this spider looks identical to the brown recluse except for its underside; the brown recluse has a pinkish belly whereas the taupe recluse has a taupe belly. The taupe recluse lives exclusively in Miama and feeds primarily on spilled beach food such as hot dogs, chips, soda, whatever. Often, taupe recluse bites take some time to kill a person but quickly retard respiration without the individual’s knowledge. Hence, many drown after taupe recluse bites and these deaths are usually attributed to drinking, drugs, sting rays, sharks, Dutch teenagers, etc. The taupe recluse should be feard and nobody should visit Miama without reading this article.

Watch your ass because I’m too busy watching mine,

Tom